come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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