So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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