Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
