just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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