i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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