When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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