i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
