making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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