she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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