win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
