1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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