it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
