Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
