I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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