Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
