Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
