i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
