You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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