Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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