I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
