Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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