Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
