I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
