ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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