vagina is talking i cant
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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