i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
