Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
