i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
