Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
