So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
