Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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