If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i now understand why vodka
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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