Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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