He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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