i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
