I didn't shave. On purpose
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
