Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
