summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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