im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
