All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did we literally take a cab across the street
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
