If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize