Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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