He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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