I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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