Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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