There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize