Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize