K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing