I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.