Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
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It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.