i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail