Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
