hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my being single is dangerous.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
