after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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