whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
