I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
