1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
