Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
