If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
